Waking up and getting out of bed has been difficult the past two days. But then again, I've been way more active than I have been in years. Going to try to get up after the alarm tomorrow and get brekki before going back to sleep.
Today Freja and I painted the purple wall. The edges still need to be done, but that'll have to wait until tomorrow.
I made yummmmmy chicken curry today with zucchini, yellow paprika, tomatos, red onion, garlic and lots o spices. Crushed tomatos and some oatly cream as well. Filling and tasty! We ate it with Millet.
I only did a couple of stretches today.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
June 29 - Tuesday
I am posting this on Wednesday evening, so I don't recall all that I did. The big thing that happened though is that Freja and I went to Colorama and bought some paint for her new room. She chose Cotton Candy Pink and a nice purple which will be on just one wall. We walked all the way to the store and back. Although before we went back, we stopped by the grocery store and bought meatballs, a few apples, some cherries, etc for dinner.
Oh I remember, I got about 1.5 hours of alone times when Mika took the kids out to the big playground. I didn't' get a chance to do more than eat lunch, get the dishwasher started and pick up papers from the floor. I really wanted to do some scrapbooking so that sucked. Also, I had just started really relaxing.
Anyway, while Freja and I were shopping with Magne, Mika took Vidar out to the forest which he really liked.
Oh I remember, I got about 1.5 hours of alone times when Mika took the kids out to the big playground. I didn't' get a chance to do more than eat lunch, get the dishwasher started and pick up papers from the floor. I really wanted to do some scrapbooking so that sucked. Also, I had just started really relaxing.
Anyway, while Freja and I were shopping with Magne, Mika took Vidar out to the forest which he really liked.
Monday, June 28, 2010
June 28 - Monday
Today is the first day of writing in my RR food journal for 90 days. Hope it goes well. I would love to have this down as the corner stone of my stability in the food program.
Today's ToDo List:
- clean kitty litter
- feed all bushes and trees and roses outside
- clean kitchen
make food- vacuum upstairs and downstairs
- clean bathrooms
take kids out to playground
-------
10.00 - cleared off the kitchen table, put papers in the recycle bag, put away dishes, loaded dishwasher with all the tupperware and put it on to wash, washed the liter water glass jars, organized the next load of dishes to wash, and put a pan on to soak. Also cut up a green apple for Magne and Freja to share.
------
12.30 - Made Chicken with Roasted Lemons. Going to eat it with leftover basmati rice. Nibbling on a couple of green beans right now. After I eat lunch and digest I will deal with the dishwasher and the rest of the pots n pans.
------
14.00 - Took the kids to the big playground by the pool. They had a blast as there are so many different things to do there.. built in trampoline, climbing ropes in a pyramid shape, balance beams, slides, teetertottter, etc etc... Now it's almost 17 and I'm physically wiped out but in bliss. After we got home I made some oatmeal for Magne and Freja, and peeled an orange for Vidar which I ate half of. After I rest and possibly before I eat dinner, I will feed and water the trees/bushes/roses outside. Otherwise I will do so after dinner.
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19.00
So much for that idea. Instead Magne and I took a quick bath to get clean, got him dressed for bed, and helped him fall asleep. Nice to have him asleep early and still be awake for a little bit by myself, well, with freja, vidar and mika. I've just helped shower off Freja. Now I am trying to relax before going back to bed to sleep.
------
14.00 - Took the kids to the big playground by the pool. They had a blast as there are so many different things to do there.. built in trampoline, climbing ropes in a pyramid shape, balance beams, slides, teetertottter, etc etc... Now it's almost 17 and I'm physically wiped out but in bliss. After we got home I made some oatmeal for Magne and Freja, and peeled an orange for Vidar which I ate half of. After I rest and possibly before I eat dinner, I will feed and water the trees/bushes/roses outside. Otherwise I will do so after dinner.
-------
19.00
So much for that idea. Instead Magne and I took a quick bath to get clean, got him dressed for bed, and helped him fall asleep. Nice to have him asleep early and still be awake for a little bit by myself, well, with freja, vidar and mika. I've just helped shower off Freja. Now I am trying to relax before going back to bed to sleep.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
June 27 - Sunday
Fairly laid back day today. For me anyway.
Woke up at 7, took BBT, ate brekki on time. Lunch was 2 hours late! Told Mika that I'd really like to do this course in September. He is processing that thought right now.
Mika took a bunch of pictures of many things we want to sell. Hopefully they'll be sold this week and we can process the next batch of things to sell.
---part 2---
So Mika is currently putting them up on Tradera.com and hopefully they will all sell!
I was feeling quite sad and down today and couldn't figure out why until I saw Jackie's post on FB about missing Paul fiercely. I could sure use one of his big hugs and to hang out with him for a bit. *sigh*
Speaking with M didn't help much with my mood either. All this back and forth, and drama, drama, drama is tiring me out. I think I will space myself from her a bit for awhile.
I have many other things I would like to focus on right now. Such as scrapbooking, keeping the house clean, gardening, and most importantly FOCUSING ON MY FOOD! I will use my bigger old journal that is at least a third empty to journal for now. Hopefully my new one will show up soon?
Woke up at 7, took BBT, ate brekki on time. Lunch was 2 hours late! Told Mika that I'd really like to do this course in September. He is processing that thought right now.
Mika took a bunch of pictures of many things we want to sell. Hopefully they'll be sold this week and we can process the next batch of things to sell.
---part 2---
So Mika is currently putting them up on Tradera.com and hopefully they will all sell!
I was feeling quite sad and down today and couldn't figure out why until I saw Jackie's post on FB about missing Paul fiercely. I could sure use one of his big hugs and to hang out with him for a bit. *sigh*
Speaking with M didn't help much with my mood either. All this back and forth, and drama, drama, drama is tiring me out. I think I will space myself from her a bit for awhile.
I have many other things I would like to focus on right now. Such as scrapbooking, keeping the house clean, gardening, and most importantly FOCUSING ON MY FOOD! I will use my bigger old journal that is at least a third empty to journal for now. Hopefully my new one will show up soon?
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Midsummer - June 26 - Saturday
I woke up around 8, took my BBT, ate brekkie and played around on FB. Then I took care of my backpack and refilled it with the things I need on a day to day basis.
Lunch was Chicken curry with basmati raw rice and cauliflower. Yum.
Vidar was freaking out at EVERYTHING while he was playing a game on his DS. Right now, though, he is running around with his siblings. Hopefully we can get him outside for a little bit this evening. His fear of bugs is difficult to manage sometimes. He also washed his hands today by himself, YES!
Freja started a bath by herself, dressed herself and spun around on Mika's office chair.
Mika and I folded and put away the clean laundry.
And I have decided to go for it and move to the states with the kids, at least temporarily. I think we will move over first in mid-August and let Mika have some time to himself while he waits for his Non-Immigrant Visa or Immigrant Visa (depending on whether his company will let him work over there, which I think they will).
I have written up a list of things to think about and do on Google Wave. Whew. What a big decision this is!
This also means we will not bother with making a room just for Freja here. LOL. Not yet anyways. Although we will still put up a new fence and the flowers in the front garden.
Lunch was Chicken curry with basmati raw rice and cauliflower. Yum.
Vidar was freaking out at EVERYTHING while he was playing a game on his DS. Right now, though, he is running around with his siblings. Hopefully we can get him outside for a little bit this evening. His fear of bugs is difficult to manage sometimes. He also washed his hands today by himself, YES!
Freja started a bath by herself, dressed herself and spun around on Mika's office chair.
Mika and I folded and put away the clean laundry.
And I have decided to go for it and move to the states with the kids, at least temporarily. I think we will move over first in mid-August and let Mika have some time to himself while he waits for his Non-Immigrant Visa or Immigrant Visa (depending on whether his company will let him work over there, which I think they will).
I have written up a list of things to think about and do on Google Wave. Whew. What a big decision this is!
This also means we will not bother with making a room just for Freja here. LOL. Not yet anyways. Although we will still put up a new fence and the flowers in the front garden.
Friday, June 25, 2010
June 25 - Friday
I woke up an hour later than usual, took my basal body temp, took a shower and found a tick on me. EEEEW. Then I went downstairs to make brekki and found an indian meal moth, so Mika went through the cupboards again to clean everything out. We're going to need to stick everything there in the freezer for a couple of days, I think.
So breakfast was late again today, along with yesterday's shoddy timing, strenuous walking, and sunburn.
Mika and I paid our Swedish bills and it feels good to get that done AND to actually have been able to pay everything and have enough left over for the fence in the front yard.
After that I went outside for a bit with Magne and he went to the neighbor's trampoline to jump with the neighbor's 6 year old boy. He seemed to really enjoy that, but then I felt way too tired and took Magne back inside. I changed his clothes, then picked up all the dishes in the living room and on the table and put them on the counter in the kitchen. I had planned on starting a load of dishes, but I just felt too tired. So I sat down and came here to post and play some games on FB, and just a half hour ago, Magne climbed into my lap, nursed for a bit, and fell asleep.
So, lunch is supposed to be in 2 minutes. Yeah, right. Not going to happen.
Mika has today off as it is midsummer's eve, but as he did not work at all yesterday, he is working today. I am going to hope he can get me something to eat fairly quickly.
We'll see how this goes, considering how I am feeling today.
So breakfast was late again today, along with yesterday's shoddy timing, strenuous walking, and sunburn.
Mika and I paid our Swedish bills and it feels good to get that done AND to actually have been able to pay everything and have enough left over for the fence in the front yard.
After that I went outside for a bit with Magne and he went to the neighbor's trampoline to jump with the neighbor's 6 year old boy. He seemed to really enjoy that, but then I felt way too tired and took Magne back inside. I changed his clothes, then picked up all the dishes in the living room and on the table and put them on the counter in the kitchen. I had planned on starting a load of dishes, but I just felt too tired. So I sat down and came here to post and play some games on FB, and just a half hour ago, Magne climbed into my lap, nursed for a bit, and fell asleep.
So, lunch is supposed to be in 2 minutes. Yeah, right. Not going to happen.
Mika has today off as it is midsummer's eve, but as he did not work at all yesterday, he is working today. I am going to hope he can get me something to eat fairly quickly.
My goals for today:
Scrapbook some more- Clean all dishes in kitchen
wipe counters cleanThink about what food to make(chicken curry, basmati rice, cauliflower, green beans)Make foodclean kitty litter- fold and put away clothes (i always seem to procrastinate this one, LOL!)
EAT ON TIME
We'll see how this goes, considering how I am feeling today.
June 24 - Thursday
I woke up and had breakfast on time, then completely forgot to take food with me when I left for my therapy appointment in Liljeholmen. I did bring the book I was reading and a new one to read on the way home.
Turns out that I didn't have an appointment with Lina, but she had a cancelation and saw me anyway. We discussed the neighbor's inappropriate comments to me and what to say or do. And talked about the biomechanics course that I would really like to do. I could see myself doing this long-term and helping mothers and well anyone who wanted the help.
I'm still in a hang-up about whether to move stateside now or later. I think I am leaning more toward now, myself. But Mika would prefer later. I figure this course would be a good reason to move stateside temporarily to give it a trial run and see how we like it.
I am waffling about this though (the moving now part). It is such a big change and commitment, and we'll be closer to my father and his wife. And that's a bit scary. They are quite judgemental about my choices when it comes to child-rearing, although my dad does a decent job of not saying anything and doing his best to accept (not his wife though).
Also, staying here means putting Vidar in school as I am too afraid to attempt to get homeschooling approved here. I am about 99.9% certain that the schools here would not work for him. There really is no space for individuality in Sweden.
I also realized yesterday while waiting for the train that this sense of comfortability is coming from within me, not because I am finally feeling at ease with living in Sweden. SO I can carry this with me to the USA. It will not go away. There are so many upsides to moving as well -
The downsides I can think of are -
Seems the cons list is small for me. I guess really going over is a good idea then. Hmm. Time to start the ball rolling then.
Anyway, while I was in Liljeholmen, I took the T-bana to Zinkensdam and the bus up to Stockholm Södra to buy a bicycle (300 kr) for Vidar. He got too big for the other one. I took my time coming back home - read the book and rested in between walking the bike home up the hill and through the park, behind the school and up the steep hill to our home.
Sadly, I didn't eat any food from the time I left the house (950) until I got back(1440). No snacks other than an apple, and laaate dinner. I will most likely feel this today, Friday, and think I am already as I've been feeling less energetic and quite tired/listless and easily annoyed.
After I got back home, I noticed the neighbor, Göran Persson, was home, so my husband and I went over to him to talk for a bit. I told him that the comments he made left me feeling uncomfortable and that I didn't like it. He said he was just joking but there was no joking when he made those comments. . . I am thinking that he is most likely an alcoholic and has inappropriate bounders and behavior due to all that that involves.
I sat outside for almost the rest of the day, coming inside around 19 to have Mika get me some dinner. Magne had fallen asleep on me and I really enjoyed just being in the moment and the sounds and feel of nature and life all around me. I also finished the 2nd book I had read that day, Vampire Academy. Then I started on the next book, Marked, which I finished before midnight.
So I also went to sleep late. Oi Oi. I seem to be trying to set myself up for instability and a crash. Silly Silly addict-voice. Time to really focus on my food and timings so that I can continue to be clear, especially with such a big life-changing move coming up!
Turns out that I didn't have an appointment with Lina, but she had a cancelation and saw me anyway. We discussed the neighbor's inappropriate comments to me and what to say or do. And talked about the biomechanics course that I would really like to do. I could see myself doing this long-term and helping mothers and well anyone who wanted the help.
I'm still in a hang-up about whether to move stateside now or later. I think I am leaning more toward now, myself. But Mika would prefer later. I figure this course would be a good reason to move stateside temporarily to give it a trial run and see how we like it.
I am waffling about this though (the moving now part). It is such a big change and commitment, and we'll be closer to my father and his wife. And that's a bit scary. They are quite judgemental about my choices when it comes to child-rearing, although my dad does a decent job of not saying anything and doing his best to accept (not his wife though).
Also, staying here means putting Vidar in school as I am too afraid to attempt to get homeschooling approved here. I am about 99.9% certain that the schools here would not work for him. There really is no space for individuality in Sweden.
I also realized yesterday while waiting for the train that this sense of comfortability is coming from within me, not because I am finally feeling at ease with living in Sweden. SO I can carry this with me to the USA. It will not go away. There are so many upsides to moving as well -
- AA and DA groups in English and much more accessible,
- RR local groups,
- easier to get the food I need for myself as well as supplements and cheaper!
- My father's and his wife's church community to help support us along with them of course.
- Unschooling and homeschooling support and activities.
- DBT support groups too!
- Much easier to find part time work that I can do with the kids around or in a way to not minimize my time with them as much.
The downsides I can think of are -
- Not so fond of having to use a vehicle if we want to get around quickly,
- or the way they construct their buildings and
- use way too much AC everywhere,
- politics (which also bug me in Sweden)...
Seems the cons list is small for me. I guess really going over is a good idea then. Hmm. Time to start the ball rolling then.
Anyway, while I was in Liljeholmen, I took the T-bana to Zinkensdam and the bus up to Stockholm Södra to buy a bicycle (300 kr) for Vidar. He got too big for the other one. I took my time coming back home - read the book and rested in between walking the bike home up the hill and through the park, behind the school and up the steep hill to our home.
Sadly, I didn't eat any food from the time I left the house (950) until I got back(1440). No snacks other than an apple, and laaate dinner. I will most likely feel this today, Friday, and think I am already as I've been feeling less energetic and quite tired/listless and easily annoyed.
After I got back home, I noticed the neighbor, Göran Persson, was home, so my husband and I went over to him to talk for a bit. I told him that the comments he made left me feeling uncomfortable and that I didn't like it. He said he was just joking but there was no joking when he made those comments. . . I am thinking that he is most likely an alcoholic and has inappropriate bounders and behavior due to all that that involves.
I sat outside for almost the rest of the day, coming inside around 19 to have Mika get me some dinner. Magne had fallen asleep on me and I really enjoyed just being in the moment and the sounds and feel of nature and life all around me. I also finished the 2nd book I had read that day, Vampire Academy. Then I started on the next book, Marked, which I finished before midnight.
So I also went to sleep late. Oi Oi. I seem to be trying to set myself up for instability and a crash. Silly Silly addict-voice. Time to really focus on my food and timings so that I can continue to be clear, especially with such a big life-changing move coming up!
June 23 - Wednesday
I am posting this on Friday, and, as usual, have forgotten most of what happened on Wednesday.
I do remember making brekkie for me and the kids. Reheating lunch, etc.
I also worked on Vidar's scrapbook and finished another 2 sides. It takes time, but it is both fun and addicting. I want to work more and more on it! I'm more balanced and able to look back upon that time period with some distance from the painful parts and cherishing the fun and loving parts. Therapeutic. I'm hoping Mika and I can include some letters to Vidar's future self for major events.
Freja really wants me to start on a book for her. :)
Mika enjoyed looking at what I had done so far with the scrapbook.
He also got home from work just before 18. I was so happy!
I think Freja spent a lot of time outside bicycling around in a circle in front of our house. Vidar came out with me and got some sun for 10 minutes or so before going back inside to play his DS games. Magne wanted to go out with Freja and chase after her but I was too tired to want to pay that close attention to his whereabouts, so I kept him in the front yard with me while I read a book.
I do remember making brekkie for me and the kids. Reheating lunch, etc.
I also worked on Vidar's scrapbook and finished another 2 sides. It takes time, but it is both fun and addicting. I want to work more and more on it! I'm more balanced and able to look back upon that time period with some distance from the painful parts and cherishing the fun and loving parts. Therapeutic. I'm hoping Mika and I can include some letters to Vidar's future self for major events.
Freja really wants me to start on a book for her. :)
Mika enjoyed looking at what I had done so far with the scrapbook.
He also got home from work just before 18. I was so happy!
I think Freja spent a lot of time outside bicycling around in a circle in front of our house. Vidar came out with me and got some sun for 10 minutes or so before going back inside to play his DS games. Magne wanted to go out with Freja and chase after her but I was too tired to want to pay that close attention to his whereabouts, so I kept him in the front yard with me while I read a book.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
June 22 - Tuesday
I woke up late, ate breakfast late, and sneezed a lot this morning. When I logged into Facebook I saw that my cousin, Jeff, had posted a picture of their newborn son, Logan Karl who was born on the summer solstice! Always happy to see new life. :)
The cleaning lady is coming today so Mika and I are going to pick up the floors soon and clear the counters in the kitchen. I'm going to be throwing away some shoes that aren't wearable anymore.
Then later today, I will have time to myself, an hour or three, and I plan on using that time to work on Vidar's scrapbook. I'm excited to finally get to start working on it! 7 years is a lot of catching up to do! I've all his first year photos and that is what I will start with.
------------------------
---part 2 ----
We managed to get everything picked up off the floor about a half hour before the cleaning lady came, then we ate lunch. After lunch, I got together my scrapbooking supplies and went to the fabric store where there is a nice little area with table and chairs. The store owner let me hang out there for 2.5 hours and during that time, I managed to get the title page done and the second page layout done. I am looking forward to working some more on it!
After I got home, we ate dinner and I rested on the recliner. I walked half way to the fabric store barefoot on asphalt and have a blister forming on the bottom of my left foot. Hopefully it'll heal quickly.
The cleaning lady is coming today so Mika and I are going to pick up the floors soon and clear the counters in the kitchen. I'm going to be throwing away some shoes that aren't wearable anymore.
Then later today, I will have time to myself, an hour or three, and I plan on using that time to work on Vidar's scrapbook. I'm excited to finally get to start working on it! 7 years is a lot of catching up to do! I've all his first year photos and that is what I will start with.
------------------------
---part 2 ----
We managed to get everything picked up off the floor about a half hour before the cleaning lady came, then we ate lunch. After lunch, I got together my scrapbooking supplies and went to the fabric store where there is a nice little area with table and chairs. The store owner let me hang out there for 2.5 hours and during that time, I managed to get the title page done and the second page layout done. I am looking forward to working some more on it!
After I got home, we ate dinner and I rested on the recliner. I walked half way to the fabric store barefoot on asphalt and have a blister forming on the bottom of my left foot. Hopefully it'll heal quickly.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Summer Solstice - June 21 - Monday - week 25
I woke up and ate breakfast within 20 minutes of waking up. Then I dumped out the old kitty litter, cleaned the box, and put in new litter. We use Feline Pine pellets - no disgusting clay dust and no yucky smell. Threw out the trash bag.
Now I am feeling tired and foggy. Soon I will make snacks for all of us and do some stretches. After I digest from that, I need to clean up the kitchen and pick up the floors for the cleaning lady tomorrow.
-------------------------------
---part 2---
Well, I didn't get any of that done. But the kids and I went outside for 3 hours.. er, only Freja and Magne. I just really needed to be outside, barefoot, and soaking in the energy of nature. Then we went to the front and Freja rode her bike for an hour or more and Magne chased after her. I played with them as I could which was quite a lot when compared with before. :D
We found some smultron (wild strawberries) and munched on some of those. Yum! While they continued to play, I did my stretches and squats. I think I actually managed to do a full squat with my heels down and body in the right position. I couldn't hold it for too long, maybe 20 seconds. YAY!
Now Mika is home from work and in the kitchen. He is cleaning and preparing to make us fajitas. YUM!
Only other thing to note is that I have been feeling very sad, almost wanting to cry at times.
-------------------------------
---part 2---
Well, I didn't get any of that done. But the kids and I went outside for 3 hours.. er, only Freja and Magne. I just really needed to be outside, barefoot, and soaking in the energy of nature. Then we went to the front and Freja rode her bike for an hour or more and Magne chased after her. I played with them as I could which was quite a lot when compared with before. :D
We found some smultron (wild strawberries) and munched on some of those. Yum! While they continued to play, I did my stretches and squats. I think I actually managed to do a full squat with my heels down and body in the right position. I couldn't hold it for too long, maybe 20 seconds. YAY!
Now Mika is home from work and in the kitchen. He is cleaning and preparing to make us fajitas. YUM!
Only other thing to note is that I have been feeling very sad, almost wanting to cry at times.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
June 20, Sunday
Today was a lovely day! Woke up on time and ate breakfast within 30 minutes of waking up - protein shake. Got the kids fed. Sat down and played on the computer for a bit while I waited for my brain to wake up the rest of the way. Then I got up and did some stretches recommended by Katy Bowman.
Mika slept in after being woken up a lot by our cat and by the neighbor's party (which they warned us about yesterday, yay for cool neighbors!). So after he had awoken and had breakfast, we went outside and worked some on the backyard. Mika moved the rhubarb to the side of our yard, rather than in the middle. We both picked up the twigs, etc, from when they removed 2 trees last year, and moved them to the twig pile near the forest in the back.
After that I sat down and did some weeding around the fruit bushes. I'm about halfway done now, but we're going to head to the lumber store to get some supports for the bushes. They're all laying flat due to the winds and weight of the fruit!
It's been a clear skies and windy kind of day. But the strong winds are up high in the tree tops while it's more like a gentle breeze where we were. Very nice. My favorite kind of day really! :D
------Part 2--------
Sadly, we did not find what we were looking for at Hornbach or ICA for the garden. We will need to go to a few different places then. We did a big grocery shopping though, bought meat and chicken for the month as well as oatmilk. Of course we forgot the frozen strawberries. LOL. We had a 20% off coupon for toys at ICA, so we bought about 700kr worth of toys.
Mika slept in after being woken up a lot by our cat and by the neighbor's party (which they warned us about yesterday, yay for cool neighbors!). So after he had awoken and had breakfast, we went outside and worked some on the backyard. Mika moved the rhubarb to the side of our yard, rather than in the middle. We both picked up the twigs, etc, from when they removed 2 trees last year, and moved them to the twig pile near the forest in the back.
After that I sat down and did some weeding around the fruit bushes. I'm about halfway done now, but we're going to head to the lumber store to get some supports for the bushes. They're all laying flat due to the winds and weight of the fruit!
It's been a clear skies and windy kind of day. But the strong winds are up high in the tree tops while it's more like a gentle breeze where we were. Very nice. My favorite kind of day really! :D
------Part 2--------
Sadly, we did not find what we were looking for at Hornbach or ICA for the garden. We will need to go to a few different places then. We did a big grocery shopping though, bought meat and chicken for the month as well as oatmilk. Of course we forgot the frozen strawberries. LOL. We had a 20% off coupon for toys at ICA, so we bought about 700kr worth of toys.
Freja chose a doll - sweden's version of a barbie doll, I think. I was a bit surprised as she has said no very emphatically for all these years. Her doll has a Hello Kitty shirt. She's big into Hello Kitty things right now. We also found some foam cut-outs of Hello Kitty to put on her wall when we change the Play room into her own room.
Vidar chose the child's version of Yahtzee. He enjoyed playing it with me after we got back from our shopping trip! It really shows how good he is getting at addition too when he adds up the scores.
Magne chose a little doll sitting on a car. And a garage thingie with 2 cars in it. He's already broken bits of those cars. LOL. He can break the sturdiest vehicle toy! We picked up some crayons for toddler hands and 3 small cars that he will get on his birthday.
Dinner was from Max.
Bedtime was late - around 11pm.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
June 19, part 2
After creating ToDo lists, I went outside and sprayed a whole bunch of aphids off of my elderberry tree with water. Then I fed the roses and the tree some food, and went to the backyard to do the same for all the trees and bushes there.
I pulled out the little pool for the kids from under a tree, where it had been all winter long. Oops. Freja, Magne and I cleaned it out thoroughly, filled it up and had an hour of splashy fun. :) Next, Mika and I prepared dinner of chicken, rice, and a lovely salad. Yum! We followed that up with watermelon and water.
Now we are about to head to bed. Didn't realize it had gotten this late. Oops!
I pulled out the little pool for the kids from under a tree, where it had been all winter long. Oops. Freja, Magne and I cleaned it out thoroughly, filled it up and had an hour of splashy fun. :) Next, Mika and I prepared dinner of chicken, rice, and a lovely salad. Yum! We followed that up with watermelon and water.
Now we are about to head to bed. Didn't realize it had gotten this late. Oops!
wk 24, June 19, Saturday
Well, I didn't get the things done yesterday that I had planned to do; instead, we all went to bed for a nap. Waking up 4 hours later. Oops. While we were napping, a loud thunderstorm moved in and both Vidar and the cat came into the bedroom as they were scared. After the nap we ate dinner, then went back to bed after some time, as it was 21 by then!
So, today is Saturday. The forecast says it'll be rainy, but right now it's a bit windy and lots of sun and blue skies. The Elderberry Tree out front needs to be hosed down to kill off all the aphids sucking the life out of it. All the fruit bushes and trees need to be fed some food as well. The fruit bushes need support, so I am hoping we can head to Hornbach and pick up some wood today. We have two gooseberry bushes, 3 black currant berries, and several fall raspberry plants, along with 2 apple trees and a plum tree.
Freja and Magne are drawing on some paper while Freja is singing. Of course they are sitting on top of the table rather than on a chair at the table. *grin* Vidar is upstairs playing his currant favorite Mario game on his DS. Mika and I are playing some games on Facebook while we let breakfast digest further.
Now I am off to Google Wave to start typing up this weekend's ToDo Tasks.
So, today is Saturday. The forecast says it'll be rainy, but right now it's a bit windy and lots of sun and blue skies. The Elderberry Tree out front needs to be hosed down to kill off all the aphids sucking the life out of it. All the fruit bushes and trees need to be fed some food as well. The fruit bushes need support, so I am hoping we can head to Hornbach and pick up some wood today. We have two gooseberry bushes, 3 black currant berries, and several fall raspberry plants, along with 2 apple trees and a plum tree.
Freja and Magne are drawing on some paper while Freja is singing. Of course they are sitting on top of the table rather than on a chair at the table. *grin* Vidar is upstairs playing his currant favorite Mario game on his DS. Mika and I are playing some games on Facebook while we let breakfast digest further.
Now I am off to Google Wave to start typing up this weekend's ToDo Tasks.
Friday, June 18, 2010
wk 24 June 18
So today I've been very tired and have spent most my time online reading http://www.katysays.com , playing a few games on Facebook, Looking up past friends to connect with, and otherwise taking it easy.
Katy is a biomechanic and is helping to spread the word about how holding the position of our body incorrectly is leading to so many of the more and more common problems of today - incontinence, organ prolapse, numbing fingers, painful feet, knees, hips and backs, etc. I have felt so excited to read and try out the things she recommends. After a week of doing a few things, I am feeling some nice improvement and more stability through out my pelvis region. Pretty Damned Impressive when I consider that I had less stability than this after 9 MONTHS of physical therapy 3x/wk! I will be buying one or two of her DVDs soon to further deepen my knowledge and improve my body.
My husband had his half hour massage today, after which he came home to work. Apparently when he works from his office, he never gets any of HIS work done as the co-workers constantly come to him for help... and most of the stuff they ask for help with are things they could find out on their own if they but took the time!
So after he came home, he and I made lunch together - whole grain spelt pasta spirals and a meat sauce with leeks, garlic, spinach and a bit of fresh fennel, sea salt, black pepper and a french herbal mix. YUM!
We are currently trying to sell a lot of our belongings, cutting down on what there is around the house is always a good idea. It makes things seem calmer, more free, and is easier to move if/when that happens. We've made up our plan, will be creating a shared Wave on Google with our list of what to sell and do soon, and then begin our plan. :)
I found a site called www.loppis.se that I am checking it out. It may be a handy place for selling some of the things we don't mind getting rid of for cheap, like kids' clothing and toys, and some kitchen things.
I do need to remember to review my DBT worksheets and skills. I figure as long as I review it once a week or at least twice a month, then I will be able to keep using the skills effectively. It's amazing how much having these skills are helping me live my life and enjoy it, no matter the downsides going on at that moment.
I heard from my father a few days ago that my Uncle Doug, who was diagnosed with prostate cancer in May, made it through his surgery to remove the cancer well and is still seeming to do well in recovery.
I have been feeling more sad and down lately as it is soon to be my friend's 8th death anniversary. Paul Jones died June 29th, 2002, after struggling with Crohn's and celiac disease his whole life, only to be told he had cancer in his small intestine when he had some surgery to remove a bit. Diagnosis to death was fairly short, as he was diagnosed in Feb 2002. *sigh* Love you dear friend.
Plans for the rest of the day are to add more tasks to the Wave, clean the kitchen, and put away the clean clothes.
Katy is a biomechanic and is helping to spread the word about how holding the position of our body incorrectly is leading to so many of the more and more common problems of today - incontinence, organ prolapse, numbing fingers, painful feet, knees, hips and backs, etc. I have felt so excited to read and try out the things she recommends. After a week of doing a few things, I am feeling some nice improvement and more stability through out my pelvis region. Pretty Damned Impressive when I consider that I had less stability than this after 9 MONTHS of physical therapy 3x/wk! I will be buying one or two of her DVDs soon to further deepen my knowledge and improve my body.
My husband had his half hour massage today, after which he came home to work. Apparently when he works from his office, he never gets any of HIS work done as the co-workers constantly come to him for help... and most of the stuff they ask for help with are things they could find out on their own if they but took the time!
So after he came home, he and I made lunch together - whole grain spelt pasta spirals and a meat sauce with leeks, garlic, spinach and a bit of fresh fennel, sea salt, black pepper and a french herbal mix. YUM!
We are currently trying to sell a lot of our belongings, cutting down on what there is around the house is always a good idea. It makes things seem calmer, more free, and is easier to move if/when that happens. We've made up our plan, will be creating a shared Wave on Google with our list of what to sell and do soon, and then begin our plan. :)
I found a site called www.loppis.se that I am checking it out. It may be a handy place for selling some of the things we don't mind getting rid of for cheap, like kids' clothing and toys, and some kitchen things.
I do need to remember to review my DBT worksheets and skills. I figure as long as I review it once a week or at least twice a month, then I will be able to keep using the skills effectively. It's amazing how much having these skills are helping me live my life and enjoy it, no matter the downsides going on at that moment.
I heard from my father a few days ago that my Uncle Doug, who was diagnosed with prostate cancer in May, made it through his surgery to remove the cancer well and is still seeming to do well in recovery.
I have been feeling more sad and down lately as it is soon to be my friend's 8th death anniversary. Paul Jones died June 29th, 2002, after struggling with Crohn's and celiac disease his whole life, only to be told he had cancer in his small intestine when he had some surgery to remove a bit. Diagnosis to death was fairly short, as he was diagnosed in Feb 2002. *sigh* Love you dear friend.
Plans for the rest of the day are to add more tasks to the Wave, clean the kitchen, and put away the clean clothes.
Direction - Attunement
I've recently decided that I would like to have something to refer back to about what I do each day; even if it is rather dull. They say memory is stronger when you take the time to reflect back on and review your memories and that is not something I have done - nor ever really wanted to do for most of my life. Now, however, life is well and I've 3 awesome children and a husband and I would very much like to create longer lasting memories about the daily ins and outs of our lives together.
So for now that is what the purpose of this blog is for.
So for now that is what the purpose of this blog is for.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Birth pics of Magne
Born in the bathroom of our home. I was standing up and leaning forward onto Mika so no pics of him leaving my body. 2.5 hour labor, very very intense.
I felt so elated and relaxed, even though I couldn't walk or breathe very well afterwards. Hypermobility has that effect though.
The Birth Journey of Evelyn Freja Vaattovaara
The Birth Journey of Evelyn Freja Vaattovaara
Born: March 1, 2006, at 6:38am
4570 grams; 54 cm (10 lbs 2-4 oz; 22 inches)
--------------------------------------------------------
Evelyn Freja was conceived on June 18, 2005. I knew I was pregnant when I started having pregnancy narcolepsy within three or four days of conception. Ten days after conception my back went out and I visited the doctor to get a referral to see a physical therapist. She showed me a few exercises to help strengthen my core muscles, which I did, and still do, randomly throughout the week.
I had some spotting and clots coming out during the first fourteen weeks. This and Mika's work situation (joining a startup company or not, or changing jobs, ending his current job or not) had me feeling very stressed out. The neighbors constantly being noisy, smoking (which wafted into our apartment full force even when windows were shut tight), and partying at all hours of the day did not help my stress levels any either. When we went to Mika's mother's for a week during the summer, I was between six and seven weeks pregnant, and the stress became too much. I started vomiting a lot. Also I felt Evelyn Freja move for the first time – a very light flutter when she flipped around and I just happened to be bent over at that moment. That put a HUGE smile on my face for a long time. She never stopped moving after that, except for a couple days after popping my hip out during week 19.
I continued to vomit until around week 19, when my son and I were visiting my mother in the USA. We went there to escape the stress of home and have some different food options as I was quickly losing the ability to keep anything down, including water. I lost over 7 kg during those first 19 weeks (about 15.4 lbs).
Vidar and I spent two months with my mother with a week long jaunt to my father's in early November. It was a lot of fun for Vidar to get to know his grandparents and I know they enjoyed him too. During that time I was finally able to relax and started being able to eat and keep down some food, although the nausea remained strongly with me still.
Within the first week of being at my mother's, I had an ultrasound. Something which I am against unless it is an emergency, which I felt it was at that time. I had popped my right hip out by not lifting my foot while turning and was concerned for Evelyn Freja as it caused some cramping and she stopped moving (for the first time since week 6). The ultrasound showed that everything was great and that my intuition was right about the baby being female! Needless to say, I, my mother and my step-mother went a little crazy shopping for girl clothes. Our children are the first grandchildren on both sides of our family and quite spoiled. Smile We had a lovely Thanksgiving meal with my mother and step-father. A few days later we flew back to Sweden.
Sadly, Vidar weaned himself during this time; my milk had dried up. He tried about ten times after she was born to nurse, but he prefered me to pump milk and give it to him in a cup, which we did until he did not want anymore at 3 years of age.
Around 27 weeks, we went to the midwife for RH- senstivity blood test, to have a proof of pregnancy, and be registered so that our expenses were covered in case we did need to go into the hosptial for the birth. Evelyn Freja was in a breech position.
By the time Christmas arrived, I was having a pretty difficult time getting around due to the relaxin hormone making my pubic bone and hips all wobbly. I talked with baby often about communicating clearly with me, sleeping well, and nursing well. Also around this time, I tried to sit and relax in positions that helped her be in the best possible position, which included a lot of all-fours and leaning and sitting on my birth ball. I was constantly aware of how Evelyn Freja was positioned inside of me. She enjoyed being breech from approximately 26 weeks until week 35 when she finally flipped head down for the remainder of the pregnancy, which was much easier on my lungs, stomach and ribs!
In January we had decided on the area we wanted to move to after checking out three areas south of the main city. We looked at a rowhouse in this area on a Monday in the beginning of February, and we bought it on Thursday. On the Monday that we looked at the rowhouse, I was having light labor all day and night, 3-7 minute apart waves. I was unable to sleep through them, so I set up my birthing space and tested it out. It was so exciting to know that in a few weeks my baby would be born! Over the next few weeks I continued to have off and on labour. Every night before I would attempt sleep, I told Evelyn Freja that I was ready for her to be born whenever she was ready.
The evening that labour started, I had talked with Evelyn Freja to let her know she needed to be born very soon. For the last couple of days, I had been in a lot of discomfort and sometimes almost pain and severe aching in my kidneys and lower back. I let her know that my body was no longer able to support us both and that it would be best if she would arrive now. An hour later, we all went to sleep.
An intense wave woke me up two hours after my talk with the baby and I instantly and instinctively knew it was time – baby was arriving soon! Two more waves and I no longer could remain lying down, so I went to the kitchen. Now was definitely the time to reset the birthing space, so I mixed up 3 packages of strawberry Emergen'C and drank that. Then I started water boiling and prepared a bowl to steep the red reaspberry leaves in, went into the bathroom and layed a blanket and some towels on top of it on the floor, grabbed a chair and placed a plastic pitcher full of water and a plastic cup with a straw in it, lit two black cherry scented candles, and brought my exercise/ birth ball nearby.
During this time, I peeked at the clock out of curiosity and noticed the waves were coming four minutes apart. I had to stop what I was doing and breathe and sway my hips during each wave. After the water was boilng, I turned off the heat, poured the water into the glass bowl and dropped in the leaves to let them steep for a half hour at least. When I was washing out the pan, my son woke up, so I took him back to bed and laid down with him to help him fall asleep again, which was tough during the waves. After he was asleep again, I grabbed the digital camera and put it in the bathroom, along with a Hotsling pouch which was for carrying the baby in case I birthed by myself, the mobile phone, the bowl for the placenta, and some receiving blankets. Then I drank my tea as quickly as I could. During all this, the waves dropped to every three mintutes and became more intense. I could feel them in my back and had to start a repetitve chant with each wave “aah aah aaaaah aah” while applying pressure to my lower back with my thumbs. I also tried leaning on my birth ball, but quickly decided that didn't feel right. I drew a hot bath and got in.
I was able to enjoy the water for about two minutes before my son woke up again and by this time the waves were coming less than two minutes apart. So I woke up my husband and let him know I was in labor and needed him to look after our son. I quickly melted back into the bathtub, found a fairly comfortable position on my side, and unfocused my eyes while chanting with a deep, throaty sound during the waves. It didn't take long before I started needing to have my thumbs pressed hard into my lower back during the waves. In between waves, I sipped on water, chatted with my husband and son.
Our son tried to play with wooden blocks and kept putting them on my belly, which became quickly difficult to deal with during the waves, although I did find it precious and sweet. He was redirected to play with his pappa who got me some Emergen'C ice cubes I had made up in advanced, then took our son to the playroom so I could have some privacy.
I enjoyed labouring alone, riding the waves with my deep, throaty chants, switching sides occasionally, and draining and refilling the bathtub with more hot water as it was needed. At some point, my husband peeked back in and I asked him to get me a towel. I used it as a pillow on the end of the tub. I felt so right, safe, and comforted, there in the bathtub with the soft candle light and a gentle scent to keep me lifted and feeling wrapped in love. Time had no meaning. I remember checking my dilation via the xyphoid process every now and then, thinking about how one finger was about two centimeters and now only four fingers fit so I must be two centimeters open, and now only two fingers fit so I am probably around six centimeters open. Many waves later I started feeling pushy and found that barely one finger fit anymore. YAY! The opening part of labor was almost done!
Then I had my transition moment. You know, the moment where you understand why so many women want epidurals and drugs and just wish it to be all over and feel like you simply cannot go on any more. My deep, throaty chanting suddenly became panicky and high pitched and words escaped my mouth of how I wanted this to be over now. I felt a warm and comforting presence surround the air around me and whisper the words “Relax. You are doing this.” My deep, throaty chanting returned.
At this point I felt the need to feel my yoni – I had never done that during my son's labor and birth. I explored with my fingers, placed them inside and felt the stretched and taught bag of waters and what I can only think of as being a lip of cervix. I noticed that touching my cervix triggered waves that were even more intense compared to ones that started on their own, so I withdrew my fingers. The pushy feeling was still there and I tentatively pushed at the peak of the waves. It felt good, so I kept doing that for awhile. Then I panicked again and yelled “out! Out! OUT!” I didn't realize my son was standing there at the doorway. When I yelled this he came just inside and said “ Oh No! No! Back! No! Back!” My husband and I laughed softly and smiled while we explained that I was not in pain and that getting the baby out would help mamma feel better. He wasn't too convinced, so my husband took him back out and started a DVD for him to watch, which is where he fell asleep not too much later.
While my husband was helping our son, I sat up and topped up the tub with hot water. I suddenly got this instinctive knowledge that it was time to push hard. My legs were in a Z pattern, so I lifted myself up a bit with my hands and leaned a bit back and pushed real hard during the peak of a wave. After doing this for three waves the waters released. I remember thinking “Whew, now I can get a rest as the waves will back off for awhile before the womb starts pushing baby out.” Uhm, yeah, how wrong I was. *laugh* Of course, the waves picked up in intensity, to a level I have never known before. They seemed to be coming almost on top of each other with such short breaks between.
Born: March 1, 2006, at 6:38am
4570 grams; 54 cm (10 lbs 2-4 oz; 22 inches)
--------------------------------------------------------
Evelyn Freja was conceived on June 18, 2005. I knew I was pregnant when I started having pregnancy narcolepsy within three or four days of conception. Ten days after conception my back went out and I visited the doctor to get a referral to see a physical therapist. She showed me a few exercises to help strengthen my core muscles, which I did, and still do, randomly throughout the week.
I had some spotting and clots coming out during the first fourteen weeks. This and Mika's work situation (joining a startup company or not, or changing jobs, ending his current job or not) had me feeling very stressed out. The neighbors constantly being noisy, smoking (which wafted into our apartment full force even when windows were shut tight), and partying at all hours of the day did not help my stress levels any either. When we went to Mika's mother's for a week during the summer, I was between six and seven weeks pregnant, and the stress became too much. I started vomiting a lot. Also I felt Evelyn Freja move for the first time – a very light flutter when she flipped around and I just happened to be bent over at that moment. That put a HUGE smile on my face for a long time. She never stopped moving after that, except for a couple days after popping my hip out during week 19.
I continued to vomit until around week 19, when my son and I were visiting my mother in the USA. We went there to escape the stress of home and have some different food options as I was quickly losing the ability to keep anything down, including water. I lost over 7 kg during those first 19 weeks (about 15.4 lbs).
Vidar and I spent two months with my mother with a week long jaunt to my father's in early November. It was a lot of fun for Vidar to get to know his grandparents and I know they enjoyed him too. During that time I was finally able to relax and started being able to eat and keep down some food, although the nausea remained strongly with me still.
Within the first week of being at my mother's, I had an ultrasound. Something which I am against unless it is an emergency, which I felt it was at that time. I had popped my right hip out by not lifting my foot while turning and was concerned for Evelyn Freja as it caused some cramping and she stopped moving (for the first time since week 6). The ultrasound showed that everything was great and that my intuition was right about the baby being female! Needless to say, I, my mother and my step-mother went a little crazy shopping for girl clothes. Our children are the first grandchildren on both sides of our family and quite spoiled. Smile We had a lovely Thanksgiving meal with my mother and step-father. A few days later we flew back to Sweden.
Sadly, Vidar weaned himself during this time; my milk had dried up. He tried about ten times after she was born to nurse, but he prefered me to pump milk and give it to him in a cup, which we did until he did not want anymore at 3 years of age.
Around 27 weeks, we went to the midwife for RH- senstivity blood test, to have a proof of pregnancy, and be registered so that our expenses were covered in case we did need to go into the hosptial for the birth. Evelyn Freja was in a breech position.
By the time Christmas arrived, I was having a pretty difficult time getting around due to the relaxin hormone making my pubic bone and hips all wobbly. I talked with baby often about communicating clearly with me, sleeping well, and nursing well. Also around this time, I tried to sit and relax in positions that helped her be in the best possible position, which included a lot of all-fours and leaning and sitting on my birth ball. I was constantly aware of how Evelyn Freja was positioned inside of me. She enjoyed being breech from approximately 26 weeks until week 35 when she finally flipped head down for the remainder of the pregnancy, which was much easier on my lungs, stomach and ribs!
In January we had decided on the area we wanted to move to after checking out three areas south of the main city. We looked at a rowhouse in this area on a Monday in the beginning of February, and we bought it on Thursday. On the Monday that we looked at the rowhouse, I was having light labor all day and night, 3-7 minute apart waves. I was unable to sleep through them, so I set up my birthing space and tested it out. It was so exciting to know that in a few weeks my baby would be born! Over the next few weeks I continued to have off and on labour. Every night before I would attempt sleep, I told Evelyn Freja that I was ready for her to be born whenever she was ready.
The evening that labour started, I had talked with Evelyn Freja to let her know she needed to be born very soon. For the last couple of days, I had been in a lot of discomfort and sometimes almost pain and severe aching in my kidneys and lower back. I let her know that my body was no longer able to support us both and that it would be best if she would arrive now. An hour later, we all went to sleep.
An intense wave woke me up two hours after my talk with the baby and I instantly and instinctively knew it was time – baby was arriving soon! Two more waves and I no longer could remain lying down, so I went to the kitchen. Now was definitely the time to reset the birthing space, so I mixed up 3 packages of strawberry Emergen'C and drank that. Then I started water boiling and prepared a bowl to steep the red reaspberry leaves in, went into the bathroom and layed a blanket and some towels on top of it on the floor, grabbed a chair and placed a plastic pitcher full of water and a plastic cup with a straw in it, lit two black cherry scented candles, and brought my exercise/ birth ball nearby.
During this time, I peeked at the clock out of curiosity and noticed the waves were coming four minutes apart. I had to stop what I was doing and breathe and sway my hips during each wave. After the water was boilng, I turned off the heat, poured the water into the glass bowl and dropped in the leaves to let them steep for a half hour at least. When I was washing out the pan, my son woke up, so I took him back to bed and laid down with him to help him fall asleep again, which was tough during the waves. After he was asleep again, I grabbed the digital camera and put it in the bathroom, along with a Hotsling pouch which was for carrying the baby in case I birthed by myself, the mobile phone, the bowl for the placenta, and some receiving blankets. Then I drank my tea as quickly as I could. During all this, the waves dropped to every three mintutes and became more intense. I could feel them in my back and had to start a repetitve chant with each wave “aah aah aaaaah aah” while applying pressure to my lower back with my thumbs. I also tried leaning on my birth ball, but quickly decided that didn't feel right. I drew a hot bath and got in.
I was able to enjoy the water for about two minutes before my son woke up again and by this time the waves were coming less than two minutes apart. So I woke up my husband and let him know I was in labor and needed him to look after our son. I quickly melted back into the bathtub, found a fairly comfortable position on my side, and unfocused my eyes while chanting with a deep, throaty sound during the waves. It didn't take long before I started needing to have my thumbs pressed hard into my lower back during the waves. In between waves, I sipped on water, chatted with my husband and son.
Our son tried to play with wooden blocks and kept putting them on my belly, which became quickly difficult to deal with during the waves, although I did find it precious and sweet. He was redirected to play with his pappa who got me some Emergen'C ice cubes I had made up in advanced, then took our son to the playroom so I could have some privacy.
I enjoyed labouring alone, riding the waves with my deep, throaty chants, switching sides occasionally, and draining and refilling the bathtub with more hot water as it was needed. At some point, my husband peeked back in and I asked him to get me a towel. I used it as a pillow on the end of the tub. I felt so right, safe, and comforted, there in the bathtub with the soft candle light and a gentle scent to keep me lifted and feeling wrapped in love. Time had no meaning. I remember checking my dilation via the xyphoid process every now and then, thinking about how one finger was about two centimeters and now only four fingers fit so I must be two centimeters open, and now only two fingers fit so I am probably around six centimeters open. Many waves later I started feeling pushy and found that barely one finger fit anymore. YAY! The opening part of labor was almost done!
Then I had my transition moment. You know, the moment where you understand why so many women want epidurals and drugs and just wish it to be all over and feel like you simply cannot go on any more. My deep, throaty chanting suddenly became panicky and high pitched and words escaped my mouth of how I wanted this to be over now. I felt a warm and comforting presence surround the air around me and whisper the words “Relax. You are doing this.” My deep, throaty chanting returned.
At this point I felt the need to feel my yoni – I had never done that during my son's labor and birth. I explored with my fingers, placed them inside and felt the stretched and taught bag of waters and what I can only think of as being a lip of cervix. I noticed that touching my cervix triggered waves that were even more intense compared to ones that started on their own, so I withdrew my fingers. The pushy feeling was still there and I tentatively pushed at the peak of the waves. It felt good, so I kept doing that for awhile. Then I panicked again and yelled “out! Out! OUT!” I didn't realize my son was standing there at the doorway. When I yelled this he came just inside and said “ Oh No! No! Back! No! Back!” My husband and I laughed softly and smiled while we explained that I was not in pain and that getting the baby out would help mamma feel better. He wasn't too convinced, so my husband took him back out and started a DVD for him to watch, which is where he fell asleep not too much later.
While my husband was helping our son, I sat up and topped up the tub with hot water. I suddenly got this instinctive knowledge that it was time to push hard. My legs were in a Z pattern, so I lifted myself up a bit with my hands and leaned a bit back and pushed real hard during the peak of a wave. After doing this for three waves the waters released. I remember thinking “Whew, now I can get a rest as the waves will back off for awhile before the womb starts pushing baby out.” Uhm, yeah, how wrong I was. *laugh* Of course, the waves picked up in intensity, to a level I have never known before. They seemed to be coming almost on top of each other with such short breaks between.
I quickly laid back down on my side and noticed that I was automatically pushing at the peak of the wave now. Not too much later, I got this convoluted thought that the only position my body will push babies out in is in a semi-reclining position with my knees bent. So I laid down on my back and hooked my feet up on the edges of the tub. With each wave I lifted my bum up a bit and pushed during the peak. I think I was like this for around fifteen minutes, maybe a bit longer. I could feel her head pushing my sits bones apart and then going back in (I think it is called turtling?). At some point, my brain clicked in and said "Silly, your body is not broken and can perfectly push out a baby in an upright position, so get up on your knees. No matter how tired you are, you can do this" So I did.
My husband had joined me after he had done a quick check on me and noticed I was making pushing noises. He sat down on the toilet seat next to the bathtub and simply watched quietly. Once in a while he'd whisper how wonderful I was doing and how in awe of me he was. While I was still in the semi-recline position in the tub, he placed his hand on my leg. My body instantly relaxed. It was like I got a very deep breath of super fresh air. I told him that it felt good, so he kept his hand there as much as he could. *smile* When I switched to upright position, he caressed my back and asked if there was anything he could do for me. Of course, I joked about him pushing the baby out for me to which he smiled and said he would if he knew how. I tried leaning over the edge of the tub as I was just so exhausted by this point that even my eyelids were twitching and difficult to keep open, but it was not comfortable. I asked my husband to get the birthing ball, so he rolled it right up next to the tub and I leaned over that in between waves. He sat across from me, peering quietly at me.
Pushing felt so good in this position and so indescribably strange. I was not too fond of the sensation of my sits bones being pushed so far apart and my tailbone flexing back during the pushes, yet I knew the baby had to come out that way. She did not come out fast. I think I pushed through at least 10 waves with a lot of turtling, although I could tell she was getting slightly lower every time. When I could feel she was finally down far enough to start crowning (ie the burning stage), I felt a need to go back into a squat.
My husband had joined me after he had done a quick check on me and noticed I was making pushing noises. He sat down on the toilet seat next to the bathtub and simply watched quietly. Once in a while he'd whisper how wonderful I was doing and how in awe of me he was. While I was still in the semi-recline position in the tub, he placed his hand on my leg. My body instantly relaxed. It was like I got a very deep breath of super fresh air. I told him that it felt good, so he kept his hand there as much as he could. *smile* When I switched to upright position, he caressed my back and asked if there was anything he could do for me. Of course, I joked about him pushing the baby out for me to which he smiled and said he would if he knew how. I tried leaning over the edge of the tub as I was just so exhausted by this point that even my eyelids were twitching and difficult to keep open, but it was not comfortable. I asked my husband to get the birthing ball, so he rolled it right up next to the tub and I leaned over that in between waves. He sat across from me, peering quietly at me.
Pushing felt so good in this position and so indescribably strange. I was not too fond of the sensation of my sits bones being pushed so far apart and my tailbone flexing back during the pushes, yet I knew the baby had to come out that way. She did not come out fast. I think I pushed through at least 10 waves with a lot of turtling, although I could tell she was getting slightly lower every time. When I could feel she was finally down far enough to start crowning (ie the burning stage), I felt a need to go back into a squat.
She crowned quickly after that, or maybe I should say pre-crowned. She was right behind, but her head wasn't out yet. I felt my tissues stretched so tightly around this huge head bulge and such a tiny opening. I wondered how she would make it out of there. I squatted with her head like that through a few waves without pushing, just breathing deeply and caressing the lips of my yoni and my perineum - deeply in awe of how stretchy and flexible my yoni is.
Suddenly her head was coming through, as I had had such an intense wave that I had to push. There was her head with soft fuzzy black looking hair. I was so proud and happy and told my husband that her head was out and to take a picture fast so I could always remember this moment. As he was getting the camera, I felt around the head and realized her ears were still halfway inside of me. I couldn't believe I had only pushed out HALF of her head! So I pushed out the rest of the head and boy did my yoni feel happier then.
After the picture was taken, which was time stamped as 6:31am, I waited for another wave or for the baby to rotate. A long time passed, but neither of us were concerned. I felt a sudden need to get her out NOW! I have no idea if a wave occured during this urgent need to get her out, but I stood up quickly and leaned backwards with my legs far apart, using the bath support bar behind my bum to hold onto with my hands and started pushing with all my might. The baby kicked a few times during this, as if struggling to get free. I told him husband to support the baby's head and to catch it. I pushed so hard, repeatedly, and the baby inched out very slowly, then suddenly the baby shot out and into his hands (and I think tried to make a dive for the water *laugh*).
I sat down, which didn't feel very good on my pushed apart sits bones, and he handed our baby daughter to me. She had her bloody mucous plug on her head still, was purple and had tons of vernix over her body. The cord was not luxuriously long and kind of short, but the dive almost into the tub had stretched out most of it (it did not have the helix curve to it any more, except the first few inches by her belly button). I asked my husband to take another picture of me holding our baby, while he was getting the camera I placed my hand on her chest, smiled, and told him that I felt her heartbeating! He took the picture, which was time stamped 6:39am, and asked me "Is she okay? She's so quiet." to which she responded herself with a hearty, yet mucous filled cry. I sucked very gently over her mouth and nose a couple times and she swallowed the fluid/mucous. I beamed up at my husband and repeated "I did it! We did it! I birthed our baby by myself!" He was beaming back at me.
After making sure she was okay, I looked down and saw some membranes in the tub. I felt one hanging out of my yoni as well. Earlier during the pregnancy I had decided to eat a small amount of membranes to help against PostPartum Depression and to help my uterus shrink down and stop bleeding, so I grabbed a chunk, placed it under my tongue, then swallowed it.
I asked my husband if he was okay or had any thoughts to share and he mentioned being a bit worried about how red the water looked. He had decided not to mention it because I had told him earlier that blood in water looks worse than it really is and he could see I was feeling fine.
Around this time (maybe 30 min after she was born) I started feeling strong waves again which I tried to push through, but nothing happened. I got tired of that and decided to get up. A little voice in my head reminded me that sitting on the toilet helps the placenta come out for many, so that was my plan. The cord was quite short and I had to hand her to DH and climb carefully out of the tub while he held her as close to my hip level as possible. Sitting on the toilet was effective as the next wave hit and out came the placenta... Oops, right into the toilet. Why I didn't think to just get up on my knees in the tub, I don't know.. or at least stick a bowl into the rim of the toilet seat to catch the placenta... Ah well, hindsight is great. I was hoping to do have a Lotus Birth as well as consume the maternal side of the placenta, but felt it was not safe to do so after the placenta fell in the toilet. My husband fished out the placenta and put it into the placenta bowl, then went into our bedroom to prepare the bed for Evelyn Freja and me by putting down a vinyl sheet, a regular sheet, and a couple towels. He found our son asleep on the recliner while watching his DVD and decided not to wake him up until I and the baby were in bed.
My husband wrapped the placenta in a towel, then put it in a plastic bag. I handed her over so I could gingerly walk to the bed while holding my stomach in with my hands. My hips felt understandably unstable. *laugh* I laid down in bed and he put her snuggled right up next to my side and she laid there fast asleep for an hour while I caressed her and kissed her. She latched on to nurse for the first time two hours after she was born. She was quite confused and seemed to think her fingers needed to go in with my nipple. I was not too happy about that. Fortunately after 7 days of working hard at helping her latch, she was nursing well!
We noticed that her right shoulder seemed to be stiff and sore to the touch, and she tended to cry a bit if we tried to straighten out her arm. She really liked to keep it folded up and tucked into her body for the first three days. I guess the passage out of me bruised her shoulders up a bit. It slowly got better over first few days and seemed to be fine by the time she was nine days old.
After the picture was taken, which was time stamped as 6:31am, I waited for another wave or for the baby to rotate. A long time passed, but neither of us were concerned. I felt a sudden need to get her out NOW! I have no idea if a wave occured during this urgent need to get her out, but I stood up quickly and leaned backwards with my legs far apart, using the bath support bar behind my bum to hold onto with my hands and started pushing with all my might. The baby kicked a few times during this, as if struggling to get free. I told him husband to support the baby's head and to catch it. I pushed so hard, repeatedly, and the baby inched out very slowly, then suddenly the baby shot out and into his hands (and I think tried to make a dive for the water *laugh*).
I sat down, which didn't feel very good on my pushed apart sits bones, and he handed our baby daughter to me. She had her bloody mucous plug on her head still, was purple and had tons of vernix over her body. The cord was not luxuriously long and kind of short, but the dive almost into the tub had stretched out most of it (it did not have the helix curve to it any more, except the first few inches by her belly button). I asked my husband to take another picture of me holding our baby, while he was getting the camera I placed my hand on her chest, smiled, and told him that I felt her heartbeating! He took the picture, which was time stamped 6:39am, and asked me "Is she okay? She's so quiet." to which she responded herself with a hearty, yet mucous filled cry. I sucked very gently over her mouth and nose a couple times and she swallowed the fluid/mucous. I beamed up at my husband and repeated "I did it! We did it! I birthed our baby by myself!" He was beaming back at me.
After making sure she was okay, I looked down and saw some membranes in the tub. I felt one hanging out of my yoni as well. Earlier during the pregnancy I had decided to eat a small amount of membranes to help against PostPartum Depression and to help my uterus shrink down and stop bleeding, so I grabbed a chunk, placed it under my tongue, then swallowed it.
I asked my husband if he was okay or had any thoughts to share and he mentioned being a bit worried about how red the water looked. He had decided not to mention it because I had told him earlier that blood in water looks worse than it really is and he could see I was feeling fine.
Around this time (maybe 30 min after she was born) I started feeling strong waves again which I tried to push through, but nothing happened. I got tired of that and decided to get up. A little voice in my head reminded me that sitting on the toilet helps the placenta come out for many, so that was my plan. The cord was quite short and I had to hand her to DH and climb carefully out of the tub while he held her as close to my hip level as possible. Sitting on the toilet was effective as the next wave hit and out came the placenta... Oops, right into the toilet. Why I didn't think to just get up on my knees in the tub, I don't know.. or at least stick a bowl into the rim of the toilet seat to catch the placenta... Ah well, hindsight is great. I was hoping to do have a Lotus Birth as well as consume the maternal side of the placenta, but felt it was not safe to do so after the placenta fell in the toilet. My husband fished out the placenta and put it into the placenta bowl, then went into our bedroom to prepare the bed for Evelyn Freja and me by putting down a vinyl sheet, a regular sheet, and a couple towels. He found our son asleep on the recliner while watching his DVD and decided not to wake him up until I and the baby were in bed.
My husband wrapped the placenta in a towel, then put it in a plastic bag. I handed her over so I could gingerly walk to the bed while holding my stomach in with my hands. My hips felt understandably unstable. *laugh* I laid down in bed and he put her snuggled right up next to my side and she laid there fast asleep for an hour while I caressed her and kissed her. She latched on to nurse for the first time two hours after she was born. She was quite confused and seemed to think her fingers needed to go in with my nipple. I was not too happy about that. Fortunately after 7 days of working hard at helping her latch, she was nursing well!
We noticed that her right shoulder seemed to be stiff and sore to the touch, and she tended to cry a bit if we tried to straighten out her arm. She really liked to keep it folded up and tucked into her body for the first three days. I guess the passage out of me bruised her shoulders up a bit. It slowly got better over first few days and seemed to be fine by the time she was nine days old.
I was so exhausted after 6.5 hours of labor that I couldn't keep my eyes open - they kept twitching.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Choosing to live
For most of my life, I have not really wanted to be here on this Earth. I have been exhausted on a deep level from the paths my parents went on and what I chose myself as I grew up. I was raised openly with regards to religion and one of the ones that had a strong impact on me was buddhism. Reincarnation is something that rang true to me and the idea of killing myself and having to redo everything and possibly at an even more difficult level just does not appeal to me. Therefore I am still around.
But I was just surviving. I used alcohol and sugars to keep myself numb, to keep myself from drowning. As it turns out though, using these substances made things slowly worse as my body became more used to the levels and I had to use more and more to reach the same effect as before.
I'm having too many strange physical symptoms right now to finish this post so i willcome back to it later.. (dizzy/fainty, strange taste in mouth, and a buzzing noise in my ears, and a rushing feeling in my veins... all very odd..andi've eaten so it's not low blood sugar)
But I was just surviving. I used alcohol and sugars to keep myself numb, to keep myself from drowning. As it turns out though, using these substances made things slowly worse as my body became more used to the levels and I had to use more and more to reach the same effect as before.
I'm having too many strange physical symptoms right now to finish this post so i willcome back to it later.. (dizzy/fainty, strange taste in mouth, and a buzzing noise in my ears, and a rushing feeling in my veins... all very odd..andi've eaten so it's not low blood sugar)
