For most of my life, I have not really wanted to be here on this Earth. I have been exhausted on a deep level from the paths my parents went on and what I chose myself as I grew up. I was raised openly with regards to religion and one of the ones that had a strong impact on me was buddhism. Reincarnation is something that rang true to me and the idea of killing myself and having to redo everything and possibly at an even more difficult level just does not appeal to me. Therefore I am still around.
But I was just surviving. I used alcohol and sugars to keep myself numb, to keep myself from drowning. As it turns out though, using these substances made things slowly worse as my body became more used to the levels and I had to use more and more to reach the same effect as before.
I'm having too many strange physical symptoms right now to finish this post so i willcome back to it later.. (dizzy/fainty, strange taste in mouth, and a buzzing noise in my ears, and a rushing feeling in my veins... all very odd..andi've eaten so it's not low blood sugar)
