The Birth Journey of Evelyn Freja Vaattovaara
Born: March 1, 2006, at 6:38am
4570 grams; 54 cm (10 lbs 2-4 oz; 22 inches)
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Evelyn Freja was conceived on June 18, 2005. I knew I was pregnant when I started having pregnancy narcolepsy within three or four days of conception. Ten days after conception my back went out and I visited the doctor to get a referral to see a physical therapist. She showed me a few exercises to help strengthen my core muscles, which I did, and still do, randomly throughout the week.
I had some spotting and clots coming out during the first fourteen weeks. This and Mika's work situation (joining a startup company or not, or changing jobs, ending his current job or not) had me feeling very stressed out. The neighbors constantly being noisy, smoking (which wafted into our apartment full force even when windows were shut tight), and partying at all hours of the day did not help my stress levels any either. When we went to Mika's mother's for a week during the summer, I was between six and seven weeks pregnant, and the stress became too much. I started vomiting a lot. Also I felt Evelyn Freja move for the first time – a very light flutter when she flipped around and I just happened to be bent over at that moment. That put a HUGE smile on my face for a long time. She never stopped moving after that, except for a couple days after popping my hip out during week 19.
I continued to vomit until around week 19, when my son and I were visiting my mother in the USA. We went there to escape the stress of home and have some different food options as I was quickly losing the ability to keep anything down, including water. I lost over 7 kg during those first 19 weeks (about 15.4 lbs).
Vidar and I spent two months with my mother with a week long jaunt to my father's in early November. It was a lot of fun for Vidar to get to know his grandparents and I know they enjoyed him too. During that time I was finally able to relax and started being able to eat and keep down some food, although the nausea remained strongly with me still.
Within the first week of being at my mother's, I had an ultrasound. Something which I am against unless it is an emergency, which I felt it was at that time. I had popped my right hip out by not lifting my foot while turning and was concerned for Evelyn Freja as it caused some cramping and she stopped moving (for the first time since week 6). The ultrasound showed that everything was great and that my intuition was right about the baby being female! Needless to say, I, my mother and my step-mother went a little crazy shopping for girl clothes. Our children are the first grandchildren on both sides of our family and quite spoiled. Smile We had a lovely Thanksgiving meal with my mother and step-father. A few days later we flew back to Sweden.
Sadly, Vidar weaned himself during this time; my milk had dried up. He tried about ten times after she was born to nurse, but he prefered me to pump milk and give it to him in a cup, which we did until he did not want anymore at 3 years of age.
Around 27 weeks, we went to the midwife for RH- senstivity blood test, to have a proof of pregnancy, and be registered so that our expenses were covered in case we did need to go into the hosptial for the birth. Evelyn Freja was in a breech position.
By the time Christmas arrived, I was having a pretty difficult time getting around due to the relaxin hormone making my pubic bone and hips all wobbly. I talked with baby often about communicating clearly with me, sleeping well, and nursing well. Also around this time, I tried to sit and relax in positions that helped her be in the best possible position, which included a lot of all-fours and leaning and sitting on my birth ball. I was constantly aware of how Evelyn Freja was positioned inside of me. She enjoyed being breech from approximately 26 weeks until week 35 when she finally flipped head down for the remainder of the pregnancy, which was much easier on my lungs, stomach and ribs!
In January we had decided on the area we wanted to move to after checking out three areas south of the main city. We looked at a rowhouse in this area on a Monday in the beginning of February, and we bought it on Thursday. On the Monday that we looked at the rowhouse, I was having light labor all day and night, 3-7 minute apart waves. I was unable to sleep through them, so I set up my birthing space and tested it out. It was so exciting to know that in a few weeks my baby would be born! Over the next few weeks I continued to have off and on labour. Every night before I would attempt sleep, I told Evelyn Freja that I was ready for her to be born whenever she was ready.
The evening that labour started, I had talked with Evelyn Freja to let her know she needed to be born very soon. For the last couple of days, I had been in a lot of discomfort and sometimes almost pain and severe aching in my kidneys and lower back. I let her know that my body was no longer able to support us both and that it would be best if she would arrive now. An hour later, we all went to sleep.
An intense wave woke me up two hours after my talk with the baby and I instantly and instinctively knew it was time – baby was arriving soon! Two more waves and I no longer could remain lying down, so I went to the kitchen. Now was definitely the time to reset the birthing space, so I mixed up 3 packages of strawberry Emergen'C and drank that. Then I started water boiling and prepared a bowl to steep the red reaspberry leaves in, went into the bathroom and layed a blanket and some towels on top of it on the floor, grabbed a chair and placed a plastic pitcher full of water and a plastic cup with a straw in it, lit two black cherry scented candles, and brought my exercise/ birth ball nearby.
During this time, I peeked at the clock out of curiosity and noticed the waves were coming four minutes apart. I had to stop what I was doing and breathe and sway my hips during each wave. After the water was boilng, I turned off the heat, poured the water into the glass bowl and dropped in the leaves to let them steep for a half hour at least. When I was washing out the pan, my son woke up, so I took him back to bed and laid down with him to help him fall asleep again, which was tough during the waves. After he was asleep again, I grabbed the digital camera and put it in the bathroom, along with a Hotsling pouch which was for carrying the baby in case I birthed by myself, the mobile phone, the bowl for the placenta, and some receiving blankets. Then I drank my tea as quickly as I could. During all this, the waves dropped to every three mintutes and became more intense. I could feel them in my back and had to start a repetitve chant with each wave “aah aah aaaaah aah” while applying pressure to my lower back with my thumbs. I also tried leaning on my birth ball, but quickly decided that didn't feel right. I drew a hot bath and got in.
I was able to enjoy the water for about two minutes before my son woke up again and by this time the waves were coming less than two minutes apart. So I woke up my husband and let him know I was in labor and needed him to look after our son. I quickly melted back into the bathtub, found a fairly comfortable position on my side, and unfocused my eyes while chanting with a deep, throaty sound during the waves. It didn't take long before I started needing to have my thumbs pressed hard into my lower back during the waves. In between waves, I sipped on water, chatted with my husband and son.
Our son tried to play with wooden blocks and kept putting them on my belly, which became quickly difficult to deal with during the waves, although I did find it precious and sweet. He was redirected to play with his pappa who got me some Emergen'C ice cubes I had made up in advanced, then took our son to the playroom so I could have some privacy.
I enjoyed labouring alone, riding the waves with my deep, throaty chants, switching sides occasionally, and draining and refilling the bathtub with more hot water as it was needed. At some point, my husband peeked back in and I asked him to get me a towel. I used it as a pillow on the end of the tub. I felt so right, safe, and comforted, there in the bathtub with the soft candle light and a gentle scent to keep me lifted and feeling wrapped in love. Time had no meaning. I remember checking my dilation via the xyphoid process every now and then, thinking about how one finger was about two centimeters and now only four fingers fit so I must be two centimeters open, and now only two fingers fit so I am probably around six centimeters open. Many waves later I started feeling pushy and found that barely one finger fit anymore. YAY! The opening part of labor was almost done!
Then I had my transition moment. You know, the moment where you understand why so many women want epidurals and drugs and just wish it to be all over and feel like you simply cannot go on any more. My deep, throaty chanting suddenly became panicky and high pitched and words escaped my mouth of how I wanted this to be over now. I felt a warm and comforting presence surround the air around me and whisper the words “Relax. You are doing this.” My deep, throaty chanting returned.
At this point I felt the need to feel my yoni – I had never done that during my son's labor and birth. I explored with my fingers, placed them inside and felt the stretched and taught bag of waters and what I can only think of as being a lip of cervix. I noticed that touching my cervix triggered waves that were even more intense compared to ones that started on their own, so I withdrew my fingers. The pushy feeling was still there and I tentatively pushed at the peak of the waves. It felt good, so I kept doing that for awhile. Then I panicked again and yelled “out! Out! OUT!” I didn't realize my son was standing there at the doorway. When I yelled this he came just inside and said “ Oh No! No! Back! No! Back!” My husband and I laughed softly and smiled while we explained that I was not in pain and that getting the baby out would help mamma feel better. He wasn't too convinced, so my husband took him back out and started a DVD for him to watch, which is where he fell asleep not too much later.
While my husband was helping our son, I sat up and topped up the tub with hot water. I suddenly got this instinctive knowledge that it was time to push hard. My legs were in a Z pattern, so I lifted myself up a bit with my hands and leaned a bit back and pushed real hard during the peak of a wave. After doing this for three waves the waters released. I remember thinking “Whew, now I can get a rest as the waves will back off for awhile before the womb starts pushing baby out.” Uhm, yeah, how wrong I was. *laugh* Of course, the waves picked up in intensity, to a level I have never known before. They seemed to be coming almost on top of each other with such short breaks between.
I quickly laid back down on my side and noticed that I was automatically pushing at the peak of the wave now. Not too much later, I got this convoluted thought that the only position my body will push babies out in is in a semi-reclining position with my knees bent. So I laid down on my back and hooked my feet up on the edges of the tub. With each wave I lifted my bum up a bit and pushed during the peak. I think I was like this for around fifteen minutes, maybe a bit longer. I could feel her head pushing my sits bones apart and then going back in (I think it is called turtling?). At some point, my brain clicked in and said "Silly, your body is not broken and can perfectly push out a baby in an upright position, so get up on your knees. No matter how tired you are, you can do this" So I did.
My husband had joined me after he had done a quick check on me and noticed I was making pushing noises. He sat down on the toilet seat next to the bathtub and simply watched quietly. Once in a while he'd whisper how wonderful I was doing and how in awe of me he was. While I was still in the semi-recline position in the tub, he placed his hand on my leg. My body instantly relaxed. It was like I got a very deep breath of super fresh air. I told him that it felt good, so he kept his hand there as much as he could. *smile* When I switched to upright position, he caressed my back and asked if there was anything he could do for me. Of course, I joked about him pushing the baby out for me to which he smiled and said he would if he knew how. I tried leaning over the edge of the tub as I was just so exhausted by this point that even my eyelids were twitching and difficult to keep open, but it was not comfortable. I asked my husband to get the birthing ball, so he rolled it right up next to the tub and I leaned over that in between waves. He sat across from me, peering quietly at me.
Pushing felt so good in this position and so indescribably strange. I was not too fond of the sensation of my sits bones being pushed so far apart and my tailbone flexing back during the pushes, yet I knew the baby had to come out that way. She did not come out fast. I think I pushed through at least 10 waves with a lot of turtling, although I could tell she was getting slightly lower every time. When I could feel she was finally down far enough to start crowning (ie the burning stage), I felt a need to go back into a squat.
She crowned quickly after that, or maybe I should say pre-crowned. She was right behind, but her head wasn't out yet. I felt my tissues stretched so tightly around this huge head bulge and such a tiny opening. I wondered how she would make it out of there. I squatted with her head like that through a few waves without pushing, just breathing deeply and caressing the lips of my yoni and my perineum - deeply in awe of how stretchy and flexible my yoni is.
Suddenly her head was coming through, as I had had such an intense wave that I had to push. There was her head with soft fuzzy black looking hair. I was so proud and happy and told my husband that her head was out and to take a picture fast so I could always remember this moment. As he was getting the camera, I felt around the head and realized her ears were still halfway inside of me. I couldn't believe I had only pushed out HALF of her head! So I pushed out the rest of the head and boy did my yoni feel happier then.
After the picture was taken, which was time stamped as 6:31am, I waited for another wave or for the baby to rotate. A long time passed, but neither of us were concerned. I felt a sudden need to get her out NOW! I have no idea if a wave occured during this urgent need to get her out, but I stood up quickly and leaned backwards with my legs far apart, using the bath support bar behind my bum to hold onto with my hands and started pushing with all my might. The baby kicked a few times during this, as if struggling to get free. I told him husband to support the baby's head and to catch it. I pushed so hard, repeatedly, and the baby inched out very slowly, then suddenly the baby shot out and into his hands (and I think tried to make a dive for the water *laugh*).
I sat down, which didn't feel very good on my pushed apart sits bones, and he handed our baby daughter to me. She had her bloody mucous plug on her head still, was purple and had tons of vernix over her body. The cord was not luxuriously long and kind of short, but the dive almost into the tub had stretched out most of it (it did not have the helix curve to it any more, except the first few inches by her belly button). I asked my husband to take another picture of me holding our baby, while he was getting the camera I placed my hand on her chest, smiled, and told him that I felt her heartbeating! He took the picture, which was time stamped 6:39am, and asked me "Is she okay? She's so quiet." to which she responded herself with a hearty, yet mucous filled cry. I sucked very gently over her mouth and nose a couple times and she swallowed the fluid/mucous. I beamed up at my husband and repeated "I did it! We did it! I birthed our baby by myself!" He was beaming back at me.
After making sure she was okay, I looked down and saw some membranes in the tub. I felt one hanging out of my yoni as well. Earlier during the pregnancy I had decided to eat a small amount of membranes to help against PostPartum Depression and to help my uterus shrink down and stop bleeding, so I grabbed a chunk, placed it under my tongue, then swallowed it.
I asked my husband if he was okay or had any thoughts to share and he mentioned being a bit worried about how red the water looked. He had decided not to mention it because I had told him earlier that blood in water looks worse than it really is and he could see I was feeling fine.
Around this time (maybe 30 min after she was born) I started feeling strong waves again which I tried to push through, but nothing happened. I got tired of that and decided to get up. A little voice in my head reminded me that sitting on the toilet helps the placenta come out for many, so that was my plan. The cord was quite short and I had to hand her to DH and climb carefully out of the tub while he held her as close to my hip level as possible. Sitting on the toilet was effective as the next wave hit and out came the placenta... Oops, right into the toilet. Why I didn't think to just get up on my knees in the tub, I don't know.. or at least stick a bowl into the rim of the toilet seat to catch the placenta... Ah well, hindsight is great. I was hoping to do have a Lotus Birth as well as consume the maternal side of the placenta, but felt it was not safe to do so after the placenta fell in the toilet. My husband fished out the placenta and put it into the placenta bowl, then went into our bedroom to prepare the bed for Evelyn Freja and me by putting down a vinyl sheet, a regular sheet, and a couple towels. He found our son asleep on the recliner while watching his DVD and decided not to wake him up until I and the baby were in bed.
My husband wrapped the placenta in a towel, then put it in a plastic bag. I handed her over so I could gingerly walk to the bed while holding my stomach in with my hands. My hips felt understandably unstable. *laugh* I laid down in bed and he put her snuggled right up next to my side and she laid there fast asleep for an hour while I caressed her and kissed her. She latched on to nurse for the first time two hours after she was born. She was quite confused and seemed to think her fingers needed to go in with my nipple. I was not too happy about that. Fortunately after 7 days of working hard at helping her latch, she was nursing well!
We noticed that her right shoulder seemed to be stiff and sore to the touch, and she tended to cry a bit if we tried to straighten out her arm. She really liked to keep it folded up and tucked into her body for the first three days. I guess the passage out of me bruised her shoulders up a bit. It slowly got better over first few days and seemed to be fine by the time she was nine days old.
I was so exhausted after 6.5 hours of labor that I couldn't keep my eyes open - they kept twitching.
